Wednesday, October 19, 2011
"My Hidden Village is a testament to all I've accomplished as an actor. Most notably my work on Batman Forever [Kill Mur pauses to take a massive bite of a submarine sandwich] the epitome of human achievement and spiritual forcewill."
-Fhal Kill Mur
Former A-List actor Fhal Kill Mur has recently opened a low-grade amusement park based solely on his past projects. Vhal named the park "Hidden Village" in remembrance of his performance in the oft-overlooked and critically dismissed 80s picture "Willow."
The park was built last year by Fhal and a couple of migrant workers over the course of a few weekday afternoons (with a few siestas tucked in for good measure). The result: an underwhelming smattering of wood and scrap-steel based rides and booths for picture viewing. The following is a list of attractions:
1.) "The Blue Flash." A roller coaster that evokes Val Kilmer's career-making performance in Heat.
2.) "Wooden Wonderland." A ride based off of the Fhal Kill Mur-starring pornography drama "Wonderland" that was released in the early two-thousands.
3.) "Batman Forever: The Revenge Of The Riddler." This is an action packed, fully horizontal land-based ride Fhal has dedicated to his successful addition to the batman franchise.
Admission to the park is $7.95 and each ticket purchase comes with a fresh home-made submarine sandwich from Fhal's own kitchen. Many people don't know this but Fhal is a pryme sandwich enthusiast and has a certificate of completion from the Subway "Sandwich Artist" training academy. His recent weight gain and ballooning facial features are considered a result of his new found obsession for refined carbohydrates.
Posted by Adamantium at 12:35 PM