"I tried to do a marry on a haybale but she melted in the skydrops."
-Jim Hungerbunger
No Shakespearian tragedy could come close to matching the high-drama of the life of Jim Hungerbunger, or "Haybale Jim" as he was known to the residents of Corncob Plains, Tecs-us in the olden times of nineteen-hundred-n-ten.
Corncob Plains Mayor Pumby Snoot explained the story as succinctly as possible:
"Jim was once a happily married man with a normal worky-jobber, but one day he was struck by a hotstick from a skypuff and it made his brain turn into a dinger."
Bung Korbie, a old neighbor of Jim's, attempts to explain Hungerbunger's complicated backstory:
"Yep (spits hot tobacco into a roadside ditch) Jim's a haystack boy, plain and simple. He got smoked by Jesus' pinky finger down from on high and now he loves to pump on them scratchy-squares. Some people whisper in ears around town that he did a murder on his old human wife Butterscotch Jilda but no one knows for sure if them words is true. If ya look at his right hand, he wears his sleeve extra tight because people say that's his naughty-time hand that he did no-no things with."
Another resident, Hunder Roargus Jr., attempts to tell us what happened:
"He tried to marry a female haybale named Stephanie after he got a hotstab from the sky. When Stephanie melted in the drip weather, it broke his tick-tock and turned his brain into buttermilk gravy. Ever since then, he's been walking all over town trying to take all the haybales back to his barn for a good rough one. Before we knew it, there were hardly none left for our cows to eat for cow supper. If you look at his bodystyle, he dresses like a dandyboy. But he's just trying to show off for all the female haybales around town. Me and the boys drink our suds and watch him wander around town with his two-poke pronger, searching for yellow-scratch, all wild-eyed. But now he' can't find jack squatty. We've got him convinced there's a national haybale draught, but there ain't. We just hid all the haybales from him (high-pitched laughter)."
*the above information was harvested from the Historical Society of Corncob Plains*
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