Friday, September 16, 2011
"Many jabber faces make remarks about my band saying 'you play shit.'"
-Unber Groak, Lead Vocalist (Plork)
At the mere mention of Plork, most music critics begin to tear away at the skin on their faces and reach for the nearest bottle of rubber cement to pour inside of their ear canals. But everything aside, Nor-Land's infamous "Hodge-Podge Eclectics" Plork are preparing for the release of their new album "Fun Elvis" and an extensive Southern U.S. Tour.
In a recent interview with Plork's lead vocalist, Unber Groak, we discovered much of the band's career so far has been rife with terrible hardship, crippling self-doubt and reprehensible body odors.
"It make me sad that everyone in the world hate our band. We go on tour of United America and a man, he take a bottle and bash it over my newborn baby son's face and tell me to die in lava."
Many people wonder how a band that is universally despised can afford to go on a tour to another continent. The answer: not easily. Unber and his band mates search for extra money deep in the bowels of the sewers.
"Last time we go tour America United, we get under the ground by sliding down a hole. We bring rakes and pieces of stick. Then we go where people make splashes in the white-pot. We stick our tools into the smell piles until we find coins and we collect them in Knhort's burlap sack."
After learning more about his methods, I realized that Unber is referring to the rogue coins that people sometimes accidentally shake out of their jeans into the toilet when they're taking their pants down before a bowel movement. Since not many people accidentally drop coins into the toilet, Unber and his band generally have a very difficult time searching for coins in piles of human waste. But after sixteen years of feverish searching, the band has come up with enough capital to fund another tour to the U.S.
Instead of taking a discount plane ride or taking a barge, due to their limited funds, Plork will be constructing a man-made raft from milk cartons and hardened dung from the sewers (used as sealant). They will consume raw fish meat on the ride over (fished from guitar strings) and they'll keep all their musical gear wrapped tightly in plastic wrap (found in the garbage).
Plork "Fun Elvis" will be released on cassette this December.
1.) My Dig In The Sewer
2.) I Found A Coin
3.) My Son Hit With Bottle
4.) Feeling Worse About Underarm Bad Smell
5.) Good Times For Uncle Elvis
6.) I Smell Not Like A Good Man
7.) Money I Don't Have
8.) America Money Pot
9.) Sweat Woman
10.) Garbage Eater
11.) Trash Hunger
Posted by Adamantium at 11:18 AM