Friday, February 25, 2011

Stealing Beef From Dogs

An image of an emotionally shattered victim of Beef thievery.

Another shivering victim of this senseless crime.

Any fool or grund knows that a dog's most feverishly enjoyable moments are when he is given a large shard of beef to gnaw upon. Take the above image for instance. This hair-hound will never live a finer moment in his dull and pointless life than to spend an hour or two sinking his teeth into this lifeless hunk of red gristle.

The question we're asking today is: why would someone try to remove these few and precious moments of true happiness from the lives of pooches? The answer: A beef shortage caused by this man: Lesh Wabb.

Last week, Lesh Wabb rounded up a small militia of goons to walk the midnight streets and steal the beef from out of the mouths of hair-hounds all over this great nation. His goal was to give the beef away with free tires at his tire centers. A loyal team of naynards, led by Wabb, snuck into the backyards and pooch kennels and smelly alleyways of America, forcefully removing beef bones, liver backs, and red-rods from the mouths of hungry hair-bodies everywhere.

Ever since word got out about Lesh Wabb the Beef Thief, Beef-Dog Relationship Experts and Flavor Scientists have banded together to stop this atrocity. One Dog-Beef Champion Advocate by the name of Scooter BoneFeast marched right up to Lesh Wabb and attempted to sucker punch him in the stomach. But little did he know, Lesh Wab was a robot. Just before his sucker punch landed, Lesh Wabb's stomach cavity snapped open, revealing a serious of bonegrinders and shredding gears. Scooters fist was pulled in and ground to a pulp and processed along with Dog's Beef into a product he then gave away as a promotional item to his customers later that afternoon.

In a world of illegal beef-grindings and swift grabs at midnight, who could picture a darker moment for dogs and men?

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