Thursday, March 3, 2011

"The Weed Hiders" by Toker: For The Modern Bud Smoker

As a "bud man," I've always felt shortchanged by regular cargo pants, even some cargo pants with bonus pockets and "zip zones." I just don't feel like I can TRULY hide my dope stash and get peace of mind knowing the cops aren't going to find it. You know?

I've spent my whole 4:20 career looking for the right pair of pants that I could feel safe tucking a "21 Bud Salute" sack into without the cops being able to find it during a pat down.

Well, I've finally found the pants I've been looking for with "The Weed Hiders" by Toker. They have an intricate series of pulleys, levers, elevators and passageways to help keep my weed stash hidden from the probing hands of lawmen. Good thing I got them because I had a brush with the law my first day wearing them.

The other day, my friend and I were making a smoke oven in my lowered Geo Metro in the Bowel Mart parking lot listening to Lazer Floyde. Then, all of a sudden all these cops pulled up and told us to get out. The thing was, I had a massive "21 Bud Salute" in the 14th pocket of my right pant leg. The cops started groping my legs and eventually worked their way down to the 14th pocket. When they opened the zipper, it tripped a switch that elevated my bag of dope up to my 3rd pocket. When the officer saw the bulge move up my pantleg he got even more suspicious. When he went back up to my 3rd pocket and pulled the zipper open, it triggered the "zip zone power pulley" which slid my dope bag around my anus into the 25th pocket on my left pantleg. So by the time the officer got around to checking my left pantleg, when he opened the 25th cargo pocket, I tugged at the heel of my pants with my Skate Shoe to activate the "emergency eject" cord, which activated an high-powered sling shot, busting a hole through the anus of my pants and catapulting my dope bag safely into some bushes directly behind me.

When the officer started patting my butt, he felt the hole and asked how it got there. I just told him I was a "rag man" and having a hole in my anus is the proper style for my subculture. He just scoffed in response and told me I was "no son of America." That's when he got back his cruiser and left WITHOUT EVEN GIVING ME A DOPE CITATION!

Thanks Weed Hiders!

1 comment:

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