Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Celebrity Fundraiser: Meatskin Flesh-Column Slam-Down

Heavybody celebrity "big-time guy" Vinse Von held a celebrity auction last Friday to see how many hot pink sticks he could jam down his gullet.

"This auction goes to celebrate the lives who have been lived in remembrance of hotsticks. People that lived out loud and weren't afraid to be a Maverick and eat a meatlog. People that never asked for a cent from the Federal Meatskin Flesh-Column Association for assistance in their purchases."
-Vinse "the Beef Whisperer" Von

Mr. Von ate approximately seventeen dogs before he began to sweat and wheeze and whisper insinuative comments towards some young people. He made a few final comments before league officials forcably took the mike-rah-fone away:

"I hate hotmeat and I hate all of you. I asked for mild, Italian inner flesh inside of my meatskin but you guys gave me original flavor. I can't believe I ever said I stand beside the Federal Meatskin Flesh-Column Association. Those guys have no idea how to fill my hunger sack."

After the event, Mr. Von began to act unruly, grabbing the male narrator by his lower hair and having a go at him. Many people in the audience waiting for the auction to start began to cry and sob aloud.

"I thought this was an auction to benefit the victims of Hot Muscle Fouler. It was advertised as a charitable event but we just sat around and watched this great time instead. I'm okay with it. I like the Vinse Von movie Santee Claus." -Poul Bowndown

"I brought my two children to this event thinking it was a charity. It wanted them to see all the good that was in the world. Instead, they got this. This wonderful time. Thank you." -Neeter Pumperpuss

Vinse Von's spokesman, Tooter Brownsmoke later commented on behalf of Mr. Von. "My client believes he likes Meatskin Flesh-Columns. What he doesn't understand is why the inner hunks were less than savory for his lips and his gullet. My client has a certain level of standards for hotflesh and he knows he was made a fool by the Federal Meatskin Flesh-Column Association of America and the Federal Government."

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