Tuesday, November 30, 2010
"I love pinkwads. When we were kids we used to hop on top of an old dung heap out near a pile of garbage and filth and talk about our dreams and chew pinkwad."
During the annual Pinkwad Chew Off, Shup Nutdut, a lifelong pinkwad slammer, got more than he bargained for. Not only did he get a mouthful of pink sugar chew, he ran into his childhood best friend, Put Bumtear.
"Oh, shucks. Shup and I were best friends. We used to go on long walks through the municipal sewer facility and look for pieces of pinkwad in between floating browns and hunk-dunks. Then we'd chew them all day long and laugh about how bad we smelt. Then we'd go home and our parents would beat us because they said we smelled like plorp-sploosh."
It took a few seconds for Shup and Putt to recognize eachother, but once they did, they exchanged bodily rubs and they traded pinkwads as a display of their affection. As in traditional gumwad chewing techniques, Shup and Pup got on their knees and made three chews to Gum Lord Sir Albatross Sugartooth and prayed for the religion of Pinkwad to find a home in the Sugarcastles of the sky, far beyond the clouds. After their prayer, the two friends went home and had a dinner of two 32oz pinkwad steaks and a couple of glasses of slom-dush.
As a symbol of the freedom in their hearts and and as a representation for their love and faith of Pinkwad religion, Putt and Shup have dedicated a memorial plaque to their memories of childhood pinkwad slampdown adventures with this passage from the pinkwad bible.
"He who cheweth pinkwad will surely benefit from the sugar. And he who cheweth pinkwad will feel the spirit in his loin. He who feel the spirit in his loin is a good man and a brethren of the chew. He will find his home in the sweet, sugary bosom of Gum Lord Sir Albatross Sugartooth in the kingdom of Gum Rain, where all good spirits doeth go upon final croak. My children of the chew are welcome to sample different flavors of pinkwad as long as they don't combine flavors. Blub-Dub flavor hath not be combined with Gorgon-Hosh-Tosh nor shall Nad-Dad Humtuss be combined with O-Cram-Cram. Be wise with your choosings and be weary of eating solid food. Solid food will send you away from the spirit and away from the Sugarlord."
-Cham-Hower Chew, Verse 8, Chapter 2
Posted by Adamantium at 11:20 AM