San Rafieli's Meatball Parmesan "Italian Fun Guy" Knowledge Institution

Are you looking for THE BEST higher learning institution in the immediate area?

Well, look no further than San Rafieli's Meatball Parmesan "Italian Fun Guy" Knowledge Institution. Founded in 2007, the school focuses it's curriculum on Italian Dressing Pouring, Olive Seed Removal, Talking Louder Than Most Other People In the Room, And Buying Cars That Are Faster Than Most Other People's Cars. Other majors include Best Methods of Pulling Up Your Shirt To Reveal Your Six Pack Abs, Sniffing for Hot Slizz, and How To Hide Cocaine Inside of Lasagna.

Mr. San Rafieli, the owner of the the learning facility, spoke with us about his achievements and those of his student body.

"I felt like my wet-haired pizza kids weren't getting no smarts from these big city hotshots. I wanted to give them knowledge from the old country. Knowledge like I learned from Pizza Hut, back when I started out there in 2006."

"Ravioli Joey is a good kid. He got the honor roll for spiking his hair up higher than the other kids. I like to bust his chops a little bit but he's a good kid. He wears the baggiest jeans. Hell, his jeans are so baggy I saw him put 18 shotguns down one pant leg and blast a hole in his dorm floor on a Saturday night lasagna jam. There was just some shithead down there ramming his hardstick with pizza sauce. He was like 'Ey, keep it down up there, would ya?'"

"Next year we're gonna offer classes like
-Domino's Pizza Eating,
-Having A Good Time,
-Mozerella Stick Arrangement,
-and Hair Gel Palm Spreading."