Tired of the daily hopscotch with your nork? Had enough of trying to find time to rort your nanner and hairmound? Sick of your friends always making fun of you because you lock yourself inside of your sweat-chamber for hours and come out with a look of disgrace and humility?
My sole question: are you not performing well at pemping your jigger?
My friends, I have the solution: Read my new binded-page collection, entitled "A Whole New Way to Pemp Your Jigger" by me, Tam Pumphouse.
In my book, I discuss the ancient "Run-Tun-Dun" method of wamming on your sillyrod at six to midnight.
You get all the information you need on every available technique, from the "Bump-Bump Bangrod" to the "Deep Forest Brush Grush" and the mysterious Yang-Tang Torkus."
And I don't shy away from important topics like what happens when your special-gal comes in and sees you looking at yourself in the mirror and going ham-ham-ham on a Tuesday night. What a stress!
But most importantly, I discuss the true spirituality associated with gruubing your man-nail. HOW is it done? WHY is it done? FOR HOW LONG? And will the Astro-Lord care?
For all the answers and more... buy "A Whole New Way to Pemp Your Jigger" at your local binded-page purchasing facility.
Be sure to visit these fine locations on your money-spending adventures:
-Borlock's Page Ripper
-Soup Forskin's Page Eyeballers
-Bowell's Pooks
-Beefhunk Bill's Brucker's n' Boogs
-Sports Books International Slam-Dunk Reader's Association
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