Thursday, November 4, 2010

No Cookie Law Angers Red-Eyed Demons

Pro-cookie demons have shot out of earth’s crust—snarling and barking—in protest of an anti-cookie law recently enacted to keep local hunger-beasts away from community cookie storage facilities.

Hulking pork-tummies, pure hunger-beasts, pooch-bellies and Rum-tum-tums recently staged a raid on Famous Amos’ Cookie Water Tower, which held 10,000 Gallons of raw, chemically untreated cookie dough.

The PCLF (Peoples Cookie Liberation Front) Led by female-demon Barkdust Riptooth and male head-lord demon Blop Buttercream recruited dozens of followers over the past weeks.

Pictured: Barkdust Riptooth

Pictured: Blop Buttercream

Armed with flaming spatulas and poisoned oven-mits, the angry mob descended on the unprepared employees of Famous Amos’ “Fun-Guy’s Good Time Palace” and mercilessly slaughtered every last man, woman, and senior-level manager.

The group then proceeded to climb the cookie dough water tower, where they—through sheer force of will—and extreme carb consumption—toppled the tower. The group members and demons then gnawed down several dozen trees with their teeth, setting them ablaze around the water tower, cooking the 10,000 gallons of dough, creating one massive cookie.

By the time the National Guard arrived, the PCLF had already devoured the cookie and returned to their base in the lava tunnels in the bowels of the earth. Main military guys say the shit's going to hit the fan during Christmas season, when the main cookie rush begins.

"We've stationed our most elite cookie-defense troops and religious baptists near all major cookie outlets all over God's sweet America. We've got machine gun guys stationed in front of Buttercream Ned's Sugar-Disc Sellers, Beeter's Round-Hound Exchange, and Globular Hot-Dough Item Distributors of America. So when the hunger-demons surface--we'll be ready for 'em."

-Admiral Turbo Beefgrain

1 comment:

  1. machine gun guys are THE best defense: learned from all wars