Friday, January 21, 2011

Droopy Drawers: The Key to Inner Space Travel?

Is this true? Scientists are starting to think so.

During a recent bluejean study, scientists have discovered what they believe to be the key to blasting into another dimension: Wearing Droopy Drawers.

It all started when accredited science man Fester Morlock lost a bunch of weight. "My pants slipped on down past my Jimmy Johnson and I started stumbling forward and I crashed through a wall of glass... only to wake up in another dimension. It was full of hot, freshly baked pies and hypodermic needles. It was truly awe-inspiring."

When Fester pulled his pants back up, he was launched back into his own dimension--safely arriving back into his lab--landing in a pile of broken glass. It was then that he decided to begin research into the Droopy Drawers Theory. It's based on the notion that pants are what define us as people. In essence: our souls live in pants. When they are lowered to Sea Level--the center of the astral plane--an inter-dimensional rift is created--pushing us into a new world of fresh baked goods and sharp medical equipment.

Fester hit the streets of East L.A. and spoke to some young hard-lyfe street-men about their Droopy Drawers.

"Heow yeah man, I been to da otha dimension. Where do you think I got all deez heoin needles and fresh baked pies from?" -Speakerbox Jones

"When I got my first pair of bag-legs from T.J. Max back in 1996, I launched into the other dimension in my middle of my brownloaf toilet break. I grabbed a couple of bananna cream pies and a couple needles and pulled my pants back up. Before I knew it, I was back on the toilet, enjoying a nice slice of fresh baked pie." -Sour Grapes Malone

"Shhit-Cheah maaan. I went dere! I was pullin my pants down to fuck this bitch and I started stumblin. She started screamin' that lazers were comin out of my pants. Dats when I ended up with a face fulla cherry pie. And not the kind I was lookin fo. I also got a ballsack fulla needles." -DJ Toot Toot

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