Saturday, January 22, 2011

Public Announcement: Marshal Laws Online

We're excited (and a bit oppressed) to announce that the Decency and Class Committee has officially released the 10 Things You Can't Say Online for Pulse Fleshes and Long-hairs. This list is comprised of some of the most heavily researched words and phrases. They're designed to warn the public to ensure that they won't go to jail or get beat up. It is our journalistic dootie to not horde these info gems.

Men (voted best sex because of war)

1. Where is my purse?

2. I wish my son would get more boners

3. Obama is a fa***t ni***r-monster

4. I love to smell my farts

5. Women don't know nothin'

6. I love kids and puppies so much

7. I don't know anything about cars

8. I am not computer savvy

9. (sharing opinion about anything)

10. I'm lonely

Women (voted best at being insecure because of marketing)

1. I'm single and looking

2. I poop and fart

3. I'm just one of the guys

4. Fuck men, I'm gay now (real lesbians still won't trust you)

5. I am not sympathetic towards minorities

6. What do you think about _____?

7. Don't you want something better for yourself?

8. It's ok if I'm a pedophile (we know it's ok, but you can't say it)

9. The phrase "penis envy"

10. The euphemism "premie" (prematurely born)


Guy 1. "Hey man, how're the kids?
Guy 2. "I wish my son would get more boners." (incorrect)

Woman 1. "Hi Sharon! Heard you finally had that baby, eh?"
Woman 2. "Yes! She was a premie but you'd never be able to tell." (wrong)

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