Monday, August 30, 2010

Porknugget Wobnobbler Bubble-Tony

"My mum used to rub me noggins into her bibbles and put her wiggletuff into me junkins."

-Bubble Tony


When he was inflected pubic minister of tremendous growth back in 1983 Jr. College, Bubble Tony (who was known simply as "Tony") was everyone's favorite "get down" guy. As a matter of fact, he was voted #1 Hot Dog Cafeteria by Hot Dog Magazine 1984. Even french girls liked to toggle with the very back of his haircut! After all, he used only the best haircare products known to man: Fresh Tubbins, Pup Town Washer, Scrubble Dubble Duffs, McGregor's, Pump Jiggin's Clean Scrub, and most of all JB's Headtop Buttfucker.

In 1985, he was diagnosed with a turrible case of "St. John's Ugly Syndrome" when he became very, very ugly. But since Bubble Tony used to be really good looking (and a worldwide pussy muncher) he persevered through the bullshit--even after a large coffee mug sized "Bundt" grew out of his left cheek.

Despite his physical handicap, Bubble Tony was elected Ligget St. Clair of the Crumbs of Olde in 1987. This position required him to sweep crumpet particles out of the mustaches and goatees of dignitaries and esteemed members of Parliament. In between hearings, Bubble Tony would come in with his Junior Sweeper Set and a pair of binoculars. He would use the binoculars to find people who were eating crumblers and round-tops. Once he found them, he waited until they were done eating and he'd come in and clean up their runoff.

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