Every week, readers send in their questions for Dr. Roncho Paynus. This week Dr. Paynus answers questions about the "Mad Dog Rage" ailment affecting many pooches and terriers around the Tallywhacker County area.
Q: Dr. Paynus, I believe my neighbor's dog Bundt is very ill with Mad Dog Rage. Last week alone, I saw him tear the hide of twelve young boys in my local housing sector.
-Nickel-Nord Humdug
A: I believe you should feed one large slab of riverfish to the pup and while he's snarfing, insert a large calcium pill deep into his rectum.
Q: Dr. Paynus, my dog may have a case of Mad Dog Rage. I saw him tear into a box of cereal and eat all the innards. They were White Iced Frosted Bits for Youngmouths. Do you think my dog is a deadly force?
-Hootletoot Mustard-Seed
A: Yes, your dog is a death demon. Mad Dog Rage has taken his soul and his spirit to live a good life. You must destroy him by throwing him into a furnace or into the deepest pit you know of.
Q: Dr. Paynus, my aunt's dog ate his own tail for breakfast and crawled up onto the ceiling. Now he's just making low snarling noises from right next to the chandelier and he's vomiting blood from his eyeballs. Do you think he's possessed with Mad Dog Rage?
-Mug-Tug Portherhouse
A: No, there is very little chance of that. I'd say your house was built over some sort of spiritual force field or anti-gravity vortex for dogs. Contact your local rock shaman or peanut witch finger to see if they know.
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