Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Two Golden Globes for DMX in "Lockjaw"

America's Number One leading man and greengrass smoker PMX has done it again in his touching debut role as JimJum Snooger, a professional snake petter, and turbo action man in "Lockjaw." Lockjaw tells the simple story of a man from the cornfields (PMX) who loves to pet snakes--until the day the mayor of the cornfields declares that snake petting becomes illegal.

The mayor assigns a special task force to crack down on people who pet snakes. That's when JimJum is forced to take the law into his own hands. He tries to use Hip-Hop Voice technique to scare the force-guards away but it doesn't work. They shoot JimJum in both kneecaps right in the middle of a really, really good snake petting session. Then the guards to the unspeakable. They fatally wound his favorite snake, Shaniqua.

After JimJum crawls to a swamp in pain and brutal agony, he wraps pussywillows and bullfrog slime over his wounds so they can mega-heal. Then he buys a bazooka from the sports store and goes on a one-man battle squad against the Mayor's anti-snake petting task force. There is a huge mega shootout and tons of explosions. Just when it seems like JimJum might lose, a whole pile of snakes roll out of the cornstalks and kill the anti-snake petting task and break the mayor's arm-bone.

As a stunning conclusion, JimJum spares the mayor's life. JimJum helps the mayor to his feet and walks him back to his house. Then he makes him warm bread and they sit on the rug in his living room and share a warm laugh. It's a scene that won't be easily forgotten.

It's no wonder that PMX's touching performance have earned him two golden globes:

-"Best Hip-Hop Actor Alongside CGI Snake Friend"

-"Best Bazooka Fight Scene Involving a Rolling Ball of Snakes"

1 comment:

  1. CGI friends of any kind are HARD to friend, so this review has is two statements