Thursday, December 30, 2010

Perfect girth/width ratio

With the astronomical impact on Diverted Attention Technology that's been tested on the public in a way that is nothing short of ham-fisted, experts entirely motivated by status have discovered that most anything can be converted into a stomach-able variant that is essentially detached and neutralizing from its origin, a euphemism for any unsettling or poopy-fun-hurt information, ideas, words, actions or serious business; someone could die or have to reveal life threatening honesty.

... but did you know that the image of a kitten can distract any living thing from giving a shit? Some of us do, but some of us don't, or not really.

"Corn is in everythang but if mah lil' baby kitteh hot farts gives it a lil' baby bunny nibble, yah ain't gonna sit thur an' tell that we're rewritin' our genetic evolution to ensure that we'll be weak and diseased for the sole purpose of turnin' a buck, cuz Diet History is allotta hooey an' things is convenient cuz we'z clever now an' looki't mah dick" -Jim Pamflip Cussfuck

"My kitten is always curious: It surprised me completely. Now I never vacuum and my dad cut his mouth but it's not getting better" -Gilli Flowdress

"I was sad and I had a lot of things I needed to do to fix my life, but instead of that I found a quick fix: A kitten cutey buns snuggle shits squish squish soft dumpling booger mass star collapse I'm not your real mother." -Gregger Girg

Jews used to be upset about The Holocaust, but resent science trials with control groups and variables (these are science phrases that are the same as regular words but used in a different context) have revealed that when Pork Haters are exposed to pictures of kittens with Hitler mustaches (same as Charlie Chaplin if you are not familiar with Hitler), it is ok. Homosexdudesuckers (I am one of these and I can attest to these statements) who were upset about not being allowed to love someone they trusted and believed in were indifferent towards discriminatory laws, completely lost interest when they were shown a picture of a girl kitteh and a boy kitteh in a wedding dress and tuxedo.

The staff here at Cat's Crotch made a bold and awkward (we've never seen each other in person) maneuver and met at a Denny's and threw cat's at each other's faces. It was kinda fitting because of the title of our Blob.

"Slip that hugskin across my lapslap" -Adamantium jejejejejejeje

"These devil thrashers" -Simmer Mouth

"Let's be real" -tolerated faceless gay staff member

"Just put it in me but don't look in my eyes" -Land the Plane

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