Monday, October 25, 2010

Bon-Bon Bumpenheimer's Pet Universe: Christian X-Mas Warmskin Newbodies

We have a whole new catalog of Sports Pets, Moistened Floppers, and Soothing Warmskins as gift ideas for holiday glory-time. Just in time to give your small-bodies the surprise of a lifetime. What's better than having little Hambone wake up Christian X-Mas morning to find a birth-moistened Gruncher waiting for him under the festive death bush? Nothing. Nothing is better than that. Except for maybe a wet-mouthed Toggert to greet your fresh-babies. Or a hot-blooded Dick-Skin Cattywumpus to make your little-hearts feel real nice. Read on to learn more about our new soft-breathers...


These bud-duds are easy to care for. Just make fresh warm oatmeal in the morning and pour it on your Toggert's lips. He will swallow it and groach and huggle--all to the delight of your youngkids. Toggert will love you forever. Toggert lives 48 hours.


Dick-Skin Cattywumpi are a child's favorite friend. Kids love running their fingers over the dips and raggles to find hidden hun-duns and little caverns. Dick-Skin Cattywumpi usually eat microwaved color crayons (preferably yellow) and old slippers. When you're choosing the right kind of slippers to feed your Dick-Skin Cattywumpus, try to find the oldest slippers around. Look for signs of excessive decay and sweat damage. If you can get a hold of athlete's slippers or the slippers of a long-dead person, your Dick-Skin Cattywumpus will love you forever.


Everyone knows Grunchers are the most intelligent critter in the animal kingdom. Every 75 years, blue whales blast a Gruncher out of their blast-hole onto dry land. Scientists and math teachers have no idea how this is possible. Lucky for consumers like you, a recent Gruncher birthpile was found off the coast of Nevada, near the arctic sea. There were thousands of Grunchers waiting to be claimed. I, Bon-Bun Bumpenheimer was the first one to the scene. We used our fleet of Chevy Celebrity's to round up the critters in fishing nets. Then we towed them home on the interstate. Now they're available just in time for Christian X-Mas.

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