11-17-1993
"MY BEST FRIEND"
by Porridge Sandwichmeat, 5th Grade
After school I hate to watch Sally Nevada on Disnee Channel. I just go over to my friend Uncle Dad's house. He lives a few blocks away. We like to watch big-boy movies and play with bar-bells. He is my best friend.
Last year, my REAL dad and I went to the park to play on the playground. My dad said he was going to go get a foam-chugger at the smell house. When the sun went down I started crying. I was so scared because he never came back. That's when I met my best friend and my new rad-dad. He was standing under a streetlight wearing a long-coat. He said "don't worry, I'll help you." I asked him what his name was and he said "uncle dad."
HERE IS A PICTURE OF "UNCLE DAD" WINNING THE BEEF-HAM MALE WET-BODY CHAMPION-SHIP:
Ever since then we've been best hud-duds. After school, we go sit in his steam-box and go slippery-doodle in his hotpool. We even watch his Laser-Discs: Bengo Groark, Soft-spot Underpants, Slip-n-Slyde Boyz, Moist Friday, Beef-Muscle Mack, and Veiny Vinny.
Uncle dad likes to make me hot-plate warm-meals and set them on my jeans for dinner. He makes me Rot-Tot-Tots, Nicken Chuggets, Brownsauce Meat, Hot Cow Innards, and Chinese Boilers.
He even made me a special birthday cake with big-boy bar-bells all over it! Uncle dad says one day my bar-bell will look just like this:
THE END.
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