Sunday, September 5, 2010

Ripping Tors of the Graham Cracker Factory

I had a night-spending with friend Horehound Bundtcake on Gruesday evening. We've been hard-grip handshake partners and career pip-tit-sniffers ever since Senior High (when we had sour drop warts). On hot winter nights, we take long hun-hogs, pump our tigs, and punch his old little brother, Crip Zandanna in the snog. Crip was hammered by a white collar when he was eight so his head-ham's hunkered inside his brown exit.

Before latemeal on Guesday, Horehound, Crip and and I went to "Thuck Bendover's Turnaround Bend Down Late Night Movie Establishment" to find an old release. Once we got to the store, Crip squatted and ejected a mass of lumpy, brown, age-old grape drink inside his undergarments. It was a wicked-boondoggler of a smell. We had to hide in the Romance section until the odor cloud transversed to nowhere.

While we waited, Crip went searching for a moving picture in the "Grimace" section. He came running back with a film called "Ripping Tors of the Graham Cracker Factory" on Laser Disc. We wanted to rent "Sheila turns down Tork for Bumpus" on VHS but we were afraid that Horehound's parents would gravel us, so we stuck with Crip's choice.

Here's my telling of "Ripping Tors of the Graham Cracker Factory:"

In 1969, Browntunnel Tubesniffer was an expert slickhair who collected stacks of money to spend on live nudes. He lived in a largecastle named "WOLF FORT." The movie starts with Browntunnel huffing the fleshtunnel of a longhair named Snort. He was interrupted by a massive Tor who ripped him face to face with it's pumpernickel. Drippings spilt everywhere!

The movie continued in modern tymes with the main character, Crouch Mantail, looking for TUGS with his fellow Graham Cracker Factory workers. What he didn't know was that Tors were lurking underneath the old wood floorboards. Crouch grabbed a triple-barrel firetrigger and blew fastmetal at the beasts. Then it ended. It was a blast. We all hated it.

(This writing was recovered by the Dunt-Pupper Force-Gun Gold-Badge Department after the triple-blood stillbody findings of stiffs: 1) Horehound Bundtcake 2) Pan Roundbottom 3) Crip Zandanna)

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