Thursday, September 30, 2010

Marshed Mellows to become illegal in She-Caughgo?

I recently acquired this document from the Bureau of Marshed Mellow Management, She-Caughgo, Ill-Inoise. This illustrates the reasons Kong-Wress-Man Jump Stackhouse plans to ban them from burnholes and flavorspots citywide.

Last year, my daughter Norpus had a terrible accident with a Marshed Mallow. She began the snarf procedure but got some wetted-chunks crammed inside of her swallowtubes. She began to snarl and hack but my wife and I were watching the William Kosbee program on television upstairs. We heard strange noises but we didn't realize she was having a chokedown. When we came back down, we saw that her life had vanished.

The next day my wife and I took my daughter's body to a Medically Certified Marshed Mellow Witch Doctor and Food Enchanter.

For those willing to fact check me, his name was Popcorn Jenkins, MW and his business is on the corner of Hobbyhorse Highway and Bumpus Way in Southtown.

Mr. Jenkins used a confectionery glaze, made solely of Marshed Mallows to bring her withered spirit back to life. It worked. For payment, he requested 13 small bags of Marshed Mellows be delivered to his home over the next three years. It was an installment plan he and my Marshed Mallow Accountant, Bhurt Schnooter, had devised over the touch tone fone (whose knobs and buttons were sticky from excessive exposure to Marshed Mellows).

Now my daughter Norpus has successfully started the city's first "Women's Anti-Marshed Mallow League." They hurl Marshed Mallows at tinybabies and wrinkleskins, anyone who scowls at her while she pickets the Marshed Mellow factories.

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I hearby recommend that all members of the Sweet-Savor district of She-Caughgo ban the flavortasting and smush-handling of any of these wretched foodstuffs.

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