Turd Smoke World Tour 2002

In entertainment news, we've learned that popular "Crap Rap" act The Bowel Boyz, from North Central (El Angeles), are going on a rather unique tour. According to their band manager, Smelly Two Turds, the group will be riding a skiff down the Mustard Sippy river, performing their worldwide hits for an audience of floating brownlogs, bump rocks, mudwater, swelt, bloodflies, scum, critters, and river odor.

Cat's Crotch caught up with Grumpy Groaner, one of the singers, so he could clear up some of the mystery behind the tour.

CC: We heard you were taking a tour down the Mustard Sippy river. And on a wooden skiff. Why there of all places?

GG: This is true, yes. We'll be playing this show for bubbles, smears, dunks, thickets, brambles, branchsticks and smellwater. Most importantly for me though, the warted hoppers that live on the river bank. Thing is... the warted hoppers have such small ejecting holes that when they bust a brown, it hurts. We decided to dedicate the Turd Smoke World Tour [2002] to them--because they are the true heroes of the art of smellcakes.

CC: But Warted Hoppers don't talk language, nor do they understand the nuances of fun-notes, or have the reflective spending rounds to buy tickets to help offset cost of tour. How will you reconcile this?

GG: When I was a kid, my mom used to get real droopy-down and her viewing orbs would become moistiened. She used to wander out by lake and help warted hoppers go to the bathroom by rubbing "Pucker Chet's 'Make it Easy' Easy Slide 'Come on Out' Cream" all over their swell-muscle tunnels. It made her feel better.

CC: Thank you for your time, Grumpy Groaner. Good luck to you and your bad smell crew.

GG: Thank you, Cat's Crotch. I read your publication with my kids on my lap while they go to the bathroom. I love what you guys write.


Here are the stops along the Mustard Sippy in case you want to pepp a glance:


Promotoer: Pon Nan-Nan Opening Act:Foul Mouted Ben Location: Teggart Swamp Bonus Round

Promotoer: Breaded Broot Opening Act: Terry the Toucher Location: A Floating Log (L:23.2/L: 65.6 N)

Promotoer: Muggus Opening Act: Pond Boggler Singers Location: Snit

Promotoer: Pip Opening Act:Sing Me A Merry Tune Location: Rising Bubbles

Promotoer: Mutch Tut Opening Act:Sounds of Grandfather Location:Pained Turnbuckle